


Mistakes and Regrets

by magic_maker



Series: Chicago Jo [4]
Category: Chicago PD (TV), Rescue: Special Ops
Genre: Minor Character Death, Not Happy, darker than previous chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29414097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_maker/pseuds/magic_maker
Summary: Jay sees Antonio and Joanna boxing at the and ends up in the ring with her himself. He may have made a slight miscalculation.Things get a little dark in the second half of this one, as Jo opens up a bit about what happened in Australia.
Relationships: Antonio Dawson/Joanna Maksim (OFC)
Series: Chicago Jo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120460





	Mistakes and Regrets

‘I’ve never known you to go easy on a sparring partner, Dawson.’ Jay Halstead folded his arms and leaned against the wall, watching Antonio and his sort-of-girlfriend Joanna as they boxed each other. 

‘It’s a lesson, not a fight.’

‘Aw, is he teaching you self defense?’ Jay teased.

‘No, he’s teaching me boxing. I’m capable of defending myself. You’re welcome to sign up for one of my classes. I teached unisex classes every fifth Saturday.’ Her tone matched his.

‘Wait, seriously?’ Jay sounded intrigued. 

‘Yeah. Practical self-defense. It’s a one-day class. Sundays are women and special targets.’

‘Special targets?’

‘Mainly the LGBTQ community, irrespective of gender. I’m thinking about adding a multi-session class for at-risk youth.’

‘What’s your style?’ 

‘Now, MMA--capoeira and kickboxing influenced mainly. I like the variety. But I do judo as well.’

‘She was nationally ranked in judo at one point,’ Antonio bragged for her.

‘I’m going to kill Kelly for telling you that,’ Jo groused.

‘Up for a couple rounds?’ Jay was genuinely curious what she could do.

‘Sure.’

Jay took Antonio’s place, and Jo changed out her gloves, though she left her headgear in place. ‘Scared?’ Jay asked, trying to goad her.

‘Not remotely.’

‘I was an Army Ranger,’ he warned.

‘I used to spar with some Navy SEALs, including a sadistic jackass. I’ll be fine.’

‘The surprises keep coming,’ Jay murmured.

It took less than five minutes or so for Jay to realise that Joanna wasn’t exaggerating about her ability. She was clearly well-trained and disciplined, and a smart fighter. Her size worked in her favor, making her quick and agile. She ramped up the intensity about eight minutes in, and Jay realised at that point that she was going to prove herself fully, to everyone watching. 

And also that he had _definitely_ underestimated her. 

She could tell when he realised his mistake and flashed him a grin before moving in again, going even harder now. She wasn’t getting cocky; she was, however, amused as hell. 

After nearly 30 minutes, Jay signalled for a truce. They’d both landed good blows, and Jo had taken hers uncomplainingly, which Jay definitely respected.

‘Nationally ranked?’ Jay asked, as he pulled a towel from his gym bag. 

‘Mmm.’ She didn’t talk much about it. While she was proud of her accomplishments, including placing well in her weight class, it felt like boasting. 

Jay took the hint. ‘Have you know Severide long?’ He assumed that that was the Kelly she had referred to.

‘Since I was 12. We moved here from New Jersey, and he was friends with my neighbor.’ 

‘How old was he?’

‘Like 20. I think at first he liked being around my papas. They semi-adopted him, and he had a safe place to go when Benny was… being Benny. But he taught me a lot, some of which saved my life, I’m sure.’ 

‘You never told me that,’ Antonio said. 

‘The shit in Australia.’ Her words were clipped; it wasn’t a subject she talked much about. 

‘Got it.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘Still not ready to talk about it?’

Jay looked at them curiously, but didn’t say anything about it. Instead he slung his towel over his shoulder. ‘I’m gonna go meet Ruzek at Molly’s. See you guys there later?’

‘Not sure yet. I’ll text if we decide to go.’

‘Sounds good. I’ll see you later Jo.’

She nodded distractedly, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. Antonio recognised the action. ‘What’s on your mind baby?’ 

‘I think… I want to try to tell you about it... but it’ll be a rough night if I do, so you’d need to be ready for that.’

‘I’ll be there, whatever you need.’

~*~

They stopped at Jo’s house so she could grab some clothes and toiletries, then headed to Antonio’s house. Curiously, Jo felt safer there, emotionally, than at her own house. She suspected it was that there was a strong presence of Antonio, naturally, and he always made her feel less vulnerable.

‘Do you want dinner first?’

‘I’m not really hungry. If nothing else, I’ll have a protein shake later.’ She’d at least get the calories and nutrients she needed. 

‘All right. Let’s go talk then,’ Antonio suggested. Jo headed to the living room, curling up on the couch. When Antonio sat down, she leaned against him, though she wrapped her arms around herself. 

‘When I lived in Australia, I worked for Special Operations and Rescue; basically the independent rescue squad branch of New South Wales state fire brigade. We were all highly trained, including specialisations. There were some skills we all had, and then we each had various specialties. Heidi could fly helicopter, me and Jordan were master certified divers, Lachie… well, he had been SAS so he was sort of a jack of all trades. One of my specialties was caving and spelunking. So… we got a call in November, last year. Me, Lachie, and another team member went in, to rescue a tourist that had gotten injured…’ She closed her eyes, fighting the anxiety that always crept up when she talked about that day. 

Antonio had an idea where this was going. He remembered Gabby telling him that Severide had taken emergency leave and gone to Australia because of an emergency with a friend; it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. But he stayed quiet, rubbing Jo’s arm gently. 

When she continued, Jo’s voice was quiet, and the look on her face was distant and haunted. ‘We located the woman, Bethann, she’d fallen about 10 meters into a pool at the bottom of the cave. We about 400 meters down at that point. We started climbing back up, and paused to rest in a small cavern…’ 

She stopped talking, squeezing Antonio’s hand. He kissed her head, but stayed silent.

It was several more minutes before Jo continued. ‘We were getting ready to start climbing again, and… and… oh god…’ She closed her eyes, starting to shake. ‘I can’t…’ 

Antonio shifted so that he could hold her, hugging her to his chest. ‘You’re safe baby,’ he whispered. ‘I’m right here. You’re safe. Take all the time you need.’ It was almost frightening to see her falling apart. She’d always been in control, aside from the occasional nightmares she had.

‘Lachie and I made it to the mouth of the cavern. Lara helped Bethann stand and the… the wall…’ She shook her head. ‘It buried them… Neither of them survived. I’d made the decision to stop. Bethann looked like she needed a break. So I said that that looked like a good place to stop…’ 

‘You feel like it’s your fault they died,’ Antonio said softly.

‘It is.’

‘It’s not, but I know that that’s something you have to work out.’ He was extremely familiar with those sorts of emotions, and the guilt that went along with surviving trauma. 

‘I as good as killed them,’ she whispered. 

‘An accident killed them. Unless you knew the wall was unstable, it wasn’t your fault.’ 

‘I should have.’ 

‘How?’

‘I… I don’t know.’ When she was in a stable frame of mind, she knew, logically, it wasn’t her fault. But when she was lost in the emotion of the trauma, logic went out the window. 

‘Well, I don’t think any less of you. I still trust you, with my life, with my sister’s life. Accidents happen, especially in our jobs. No matter _how_ prepared we are.’ He kept his voice low and soothing. He didn’t expect her to accept his words, but he hoped that they’d take root in her mind, and combat the notions that she was to blame. ‘ _Mirame,_ ’ he whispered. She forced herself to look up afraid, despite his assurances, that she’d see judgment or disgust. But his eyes were soft. 

She let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and it turned into a sob. She clung to Antonio’s shoulders as she cried, truly cried, for the first time since she’d returned to the US. Kelly and her dad had both told her she needed to, but she’d kept herself numb, and buried the emotions from that day. 

‘I’m here baby,’ he said again, letting her cry. ‘I’m right here.’ 

When she stopped sobbing, he lifted her carefully, carrying her to the bedroom. She’d need sleep, and he figured moving her before she passed out was a better idea. ‘Need help undressing?’ When Jo nodded, he helped her strip and all but tucked her in.

‘Stay,’ she murmured hoarsely when he stood. 

‘I am. I’m just turning off the light,’ he assured her. She was asleep before he rejoined her, and he just held her close, stroking her hair and watching her as she rested.


End file.
